Sometimes I put on my nurse hat and push through activities I wouldn’t do without help in the hospital (and I seldom asked for help.) Well that ended up hurting me when I tried to move my obese Aunt from a wheelchair to my small car and push her in her chair to avoid do that- I triggered my sciatic pain, created a new ankle pain…. And I already know I have a degenerative lower back. 😬 it’s hard to do time out and accept we are no longer 20, 30 or 55, when I was very strong.
Acceptance and recalibrating goals and objectives is necessary and ever changing.
Shirley, as my fellow West Point sister, I know you have been conditioned like me that we have to tough everything out. And at our age, that leads to injuries. Remember the winners never quit sign at Buckner? Sometimes, winners are smart enough to say that’s too much for me.
Absolutely. Those are our people. I will say I think ebikes are the reason my friends who are cyclists are still able to ride as much as they do. That's true for me too, especially at this elevation. I moved to Colorado six years ago, at age 64, after living at sea level my entire life. I live at 5471 ft above sea level now. I quickly found out that difference is no joke! So, I bought an ebike and never looked back.
That's a huge difference. It's much more demanding at those higher elevations. E-bikes are great if they give you the freedom to continue to do something you love so much!
This: “Somewhere along the way, preserving my body had become more important than perfecting it.” I’m appreciate the raw heart and honesty of this piece. Without a pithy conclusion and a bow on it. Just sitting with it, the grief and the gratitude of being in my 60 something body.
Thank you Lisa. I used to tie everything up with an upbeat, positive note, but then I realized, that’s not life. So the more I write, the more I share honestly and leave the endings where they are, often open and hanging and a bit unsettling for some people.
I hear you. And thank you for modeling that. I too used to always wrap things up with a coaching tip or inquiry for readers. Ahhh…my younger striving self. A bit cringy. 🥴 Now I’m learning to trust my reader, trust the words. Esp here where things feel more real, nuanced, intelligent.
Yes, you said that very well. We need to trust our readers to draw their own conclusions and take what they need from the article. People see different things based on where they are in their journeys.
In April I took a tumble down my front stairs. I could say I tried a triple salchow and didnt stick the landing but it happened the way it has for all of us at one time: I thought I was stepping down onto a step and I had nothing but air. This was one month before my 70th birthday.
I slammed the top of my foot into the metal railing and tada! Lisfrank fracture. 9 breaks.
I am now walking (slowly) again and able to drive. I am working on strength and balance now instead of taking it for granted. Thank you for your article.
Victoria, I can’t imagine how painful that was and how difficult of a recovery you’ve gone through. I hope you continue to mend and can do all of the activities you enjoy. We take our balance and strength for granted. Thanks for the reminder that I need to do more work on my balance.
Thank you for your kind words. I had a 2.5 hour surgery and have two plates in my foot. PT is helping a lot. I have to remind myself not to worry about walking as fast as I used to.
72 here. I think one thing we have control over is to be responsible. When something is wrong we don’t push forward. Ever. Because, why? Once we know what we need to do, we do it. We make the call, the appointment, take the meds, hire the help, rest etc. what we can do, we do. When we can’t do it, we ask for help.
Tess, I agree with you 100%. At the same time, I confess it has been very hard for me to accept that my 64-year-old body is not my 35-year-old body, which I could push through tough physical things. So I have injured myself when I should have been smarter and not pushed myself so much.
At nearly 80 I feel pleasure is often more cerebral than physical! I used to love running and swimming. Am now in constant pain. BUT being by the sea, walking on nice flat sand, soaking up the sun and wind is still magical.
I really love your posts. I always feel seen and you get me motivated to do something even if it’s a perspective reframe. Yesterday, I went for a hike with my 18 year old daughter and my 12 year old dog after a morning bike ride around our neighborhood. The trail was one I’d walked many times, even pregnant with my youngest who is now 16. Back then, I felt challenged but could do it. My dog did the trail just fine at age 2-8 or 9. But we hadn’t been in a few years. It was cooler, but still 90. I tell you, that first rocky hill kicked my butt. It was this slap in the face right away. And my poor dog just did her best, too, but she struggled. I’m not overweight. I’m 52, but mostly walk 2-3 miles a day on pavement. I was so disappointed in myself and my body. Even though I knew better, I felt I let my daughter down. What’s more, I worried that my healthy adventurous years were behind me. It scared me because 52 is not that old in my mind. Yet, I did the three miles and carried my dog up a few hills. It’s these seemingly little experiences that shouldn’t matter, but they feel so pivotal, so predictive of what is ahead. And, even if my body is challenged, I DO want the future. It’s a real reckoning, isn’t it?
Thanks for the kind words. It means so much to me that you feel seen and that my posts cause you to think about your life. Really, I can't begin to express how validating that is because being on Substack and writing weekly is a lot of work. OK, so back to your hike.... it's hard when reality doesn't match our perception of ourselves or our aspirations. So many of us shout about how awesome aging is, but personally, I mean the freedom to choose the life we want and not care as much about other people's opinions. But the aging our bodies do, well, that is awful. And sometimes, it's a function of our genetics and not anything we do to keep ourselves fit and healthy (although I think that helps.) Anyway, I'm sorry you came face-to-face with this reckoning on your hike.
Heather, I feel ya, and I have had much the same relationship to this body as you with yours. Multiple sport athlete, smart, strong, fit, capable...damned near bullet proof. Then I hit the 60th decade. Never thinking I would live this long, and treating the body accordingly has proven to be somewhat dismaying.
Earlier this summer my husband and I looked at each other, laughed and said, "I wonder what new will show up this week?" Our health seems to be changing quickly, and surprisingly. Things I never imagined popping up like a whack-a-mole.
Monday, I am headed for my second TKR, because I do want to continue doing as much as possible for as long as possible. I love to travel, and where I travel is in out of the way places that demand strong, healthy legs.
I am in the process of making hesitant peace with this body and the mental changes, however surrender is still in the far distance as far as I can tell. It's just that the "far distance" is much closer than it's ever been before.
Lisa, I resonate with everything you wrote. I love your bullet-proof and whack-a-mole comparison because that's exactly how it feels. Good luck with your knee replacement and recovery. As I stand here writing, I'm wearing a knee brace for support, thinking I am headed in the direction of a TKR. And it's depressing because my first thought is how long that will take me out of the physical activities that I enjoy so much.
The part I recognise is wanting a body you can rely on. That’s the real fear, not the wrinkles or the number. I paddle an outrigger canoe with five other women I’ve competed with for over 30 years, and it’s blissful. What frightens me is not slowing down. It’s not being in the boat at all. Your knee, and not knowing what it will allow you next, is the thing that keeps people awake.
Philippa, how you put it is 100% spot on - worrying about not being in the boat at all. It's so hard when your identity and your social life revolves around being physically active. How do we handle that when it changes? It's tough stuff, and I'm still reckoning with it.
I don’t have a tidy answer, only what I’ve watched happen in our crew. Two of them have had serious time out for injury over the years. What kept them in it was staying attached to the people rather than the performance. Coaching from the bank, timekeeping, turning up to the post-race coffee. Not the same, and nobody pretended it was. But it held the identity open until the body caught up, and one of them is back in the boat now. The reckoning seems to be less about replacing what you did and more about refusing to be written out while you work out what comes next.
After having cervical cancer at 39 and getting thrown into menopause overnight, I felt like my body was betraying me. For several years, I didn't feel like myself at all. But slowly, I got me back. Staying active, primarily through bicycling, helped tremendously. Now, at 69, retired and living in Colorado, cycling is a major part of my day. I ride an average of 100 miles per week every week. And while that may sound like a big accomplishment, in Colorado it's not. I know people way older than me who are as active or more so than me. I have a friend, Alice, who is 94. She rides her bike at least 10 miles every day. Another friend, Richard, is 74. He rides his bike 200 miles every week. Ginny, age 85, plays most every sport all the time. Pat, age 83, is a serious hiker and backpacker. They just refuse to stop moving. Pat calls what she's doing "Riding the Wave" as long as she can. I want to be like her when I grow up!
Kathy, before I even got to your last line, I was thinking, "I want to be like Alice. I want to be like Pat when I grow up." There are ladies I play pickleball with in their 70's, 80's and 90's. I am in awe. I agree that we need to refuse to stop moving as long as our bodies will cooperate. And when they won't, I don't know yet. I guess we modify or we still stay part of that community because those people are the ones we identify with. There's definitely no instruction manual for all of this, but we are all figuring it out for ourselves, in meaningful ways.
I only just passed 51 and my sleep is disrupted, unless I manage to have a small amount of Pinot noir with dinner and then a probiotic before bed, unless I forgot I tried to finish my coffee shop treat from earlier.
I keep trying to repeat what did make it possible to sleep through without waking up at 1 am.
Nicole, so much of our sleep disruption is due to our hormone levels and our cortisol dipping. Perhaps your Primary care doctor could help you sort it out.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm at the stage where I'm still struggling with how my face looks let alone how my body feels. I actually recorded a podcast yesterday about how I haven't made peace with aging yet I'm not sure when I will. I've never been overly athletic and I've been going to the gym to improve my bone density and to get stronger . I struggle with my health most of my life life. You sound like you did all the right things and it's still a struggle.
Oh my gosh, where to begin. Losing what feels like my 'real' face inside a fatter face which looks like someone else has been hard. But also not even being able to go for a walk due to lower back pain. Ageing is so difficult in so many ways.
Thank you. My 97 year old aunt has been inspirational in how she has approached aging, both in how she combats it and how she gives in gracefully. She still does chair yoga and uses her walker to walk in the park. She just got shots in her arthritic knees and chose to walk around the block to my place. She is grateful for everything she still has and can do but she doesn’t sugarcoat how hard it is, and how painful at times. She’s given me a balanced view of the changes I’ll be facing soon enough and the motivation to push myself ’just right’. Your article reminds me that the grace she has achieved is hard won. That questions, fear, frustration and depression have always been just below the surface, no matter how she has hidden the hardest parts. She’s shown me what’s possible if you’re lucky and if you keep moving. You’ve shown me more than she was willing to reveal except in glimpses. Again, thank you.
Julie, your aunt sounds like such an inspiration. I wonder if she would be willing to sit down with you and talk about her life. I bet she has so much to share. As we get older, it often feels like no one cares about our opinions or thoughts, so your interest in her story might be special to her.
I love talking with my aunt. Not every conversation works out this way, but many start as a quick check in or question, and then carry on for an hour on a variety of topics: politics, places we’ve been, shared memories, personal memories, books, art, pet peeves, a recent confrontation or choice to walk away, why we’ve made the choices we’ve made over the years, how we’ve grown and changed, and so on. She worries regularly about her mind slipping, but at 97 she is still handling her own finances and handling them well. She is truly present. I enjoy conversations with her more than most. I am so grateful that she has retained her identity, and grateful that her identity is so inspiring, stimulating and broad in scope. Time with her is a gift. I dread when the only conversations we have will be in my memory. Yet, for all that we’ve shared, I’m always aware of the gap between the woman I know and the woman she is. It’s similar to realizing that for all you know about your kids, there’s an inner life they live that you can’t reach. So each time we talk is an opportunity to get a little closer to that precious person, a little closer to the parts of her she worries about revealing and closer to her strong, resilient core.
I hear you. I'm at least 14 years older than you, so I've had longer to deteriorate! Arthritis, hip replacement, had to quit running because of a metatarsal injury...the list goes on. I hope you have a peer group you can share it all with, because that shows you you're not alone, and sometimes you just have to laugh about it! But seriously, getting older is a blessing not given to everyone, and I hope you'll concentrate on what you've gained in your later years instead of what you've lost.
Thank you for your nice comment Fran. Oddly enough, when I first began writing this article, I started with a story about how two close friends lost their partners to cancer. I feel so grateful to be alive. But I decided to put that in a different article. I tend to smoosh too many things on one article and I'm trying to stay more focused as I grow as a writer. You sound like you have such a wonderful mindset. That's so important as our bodies age because there is so much of the aging process that's out of our control.
I just wrote a whole post about my body... I got rheumatoid arthritis when I was 30, and that was after having SPD during pregnancy... I always have pain and limitation and I just... Do my best... I am afraid most of losing my mind because of all these crazy medications I have to take for the RA... Honestly, that's what I'm most afraid of. But if you're interested in how I've negotiated peace with my body, you can read it here: https://substack.com/pub/thecozypractice/p/cozy-body
Sometimes I put on my nurse hat and push through activities I wouldn’t do without help in the hospital (and I seldom asked for help.) Well that ended up hurting me when I tried to move my obese Aunt from a wheelchair to my small car and push her in her chair to avoid do that- I triggered my sciatic pain, created a new ankle pain…. And I already know I have a degenerative lower back. 😬 it’s hard to do time out and accept we are no longer 20, 30 or 55, when I was very strong.
Acceptance and recalibrating goals and objectives is necessary and ever changing.
Shirley, as my fellow West Point sister, I know you have been conditioned like me that we have to tough everything out. And at our age, that leads to injuries. Remember the winners never quit sign at Buckner? Sometimes, winners are smart enough to say that’s too much for me.
Absolutely. Those are our people. I will say I think ebikes are the reason my friends who are cyclists are still able to ride as much as they do. That's true for me too, especially at this elevation. I moved to Colorado six years ago, at age 64, after living at sea level my entire life. I live at 5471 ft above sea level now. I quickly found out that difference is no joke! So, I bought an ebike and never looked back.
That's a huge difference. It's much more demanding at those higher elevations. E-bikes are great if they give you the freedom to continue to do something you love so much!
This: “Somewhere along the way, preserving my body had become more important than perfecting it.” I’m appreciate the raw heart and honesty of this piece. Without a pithy conclusion and a bow on it. Just sitting with it, the grief and the gratitude of being in my 60 something body.
Thank you Lisa. I used to tie everything up with an upbeat, positive note, but then I realized, that’s not life. So the more I write, the more I share honestly and leave the endings where they are, often open and hanging and a bit unsettling for some people.
I hear you. And thank you for modeling that. I too used to always wrap things up with a coaching tip or inquiry for readers. Ahhh…my younger striving self. A bit cringy. 🥴 Now I’m learning to trust my reader, trust the words. Esp here where things feel more real, nuanced, intelligent.
Yes, you said that very well. We need to trust our readers to draw their own conclusions and take what they need from the article. People see different things based on where they are in their journeys.
In April I took a tumble down my front stairs. I could say I tried a triple salchow and didnt stick the landing but it happened the way it has for all of us at one time: I thought I was stepping down onto a step and I had nothing but air. This was one month before my 70th birthday.
I slammed the top of my foot into the metal railing and tada! Lisfrank fracture. 9 breaks.
I am now walking (slowly) again and able to drive. I am working on strength and balance now instead of taking it for granted. Thank you for your article.
Victoria, I can’t imagine how painful that was and how difficult of a recovery you’ve gone through. I hope you continue to mend and can do all of the activities you enjoy. We take our balance and strength for granted. Thanks for the reminder that I need to do more work on my balance.
Thank you for your kind words. I had a 2.5 hour surgery and have two plates in my foot. PT is helping a lot. I have to remind myself not to worry about walking as fast as I used to.
Foam pads help with balance.
72 here. I think one thing we have control over is to be responsible. When something is wrong we don’t push forward. Ever. Because, why? Once we know what we need to do, we do it. We make the call, the appointment, take the meds, hire the help, rest etc. what we can do, we do. When we can’t do it, we ask for help.
Tess, I agree with you 100%. At the same time, I confess it has been very hard for me to accept that my 64-year-old body is not my 35-year-old body, which I could push through tough physical things. So I have injured myself when I should have been smarter and not pushed myself so much.
At nearly 80 I feel pleasure is often more cerebral than physical! I used to love running and swimming. Am now in constant pain. BUT being by the sea, walking on nice flat sand, soaking up the sun and wind is still magical.
I love that you are finding magic in all of that! And what an interesting observation about pleasure. I'm going to think more about that! 🩵
I really love your posts. I always feel seen and you get me motivated to do something even if it’s a perspective reframe. Yesterday, I went for a hike with my 18 year old daughter and my 12 year old dog after a morning bike ride around our neighborhood. The trail was one I’d walked many times, even pregnant with my youngest who is now 16. Back then, I felt challenged but could do it. My dog did the trail just fine at age 2-8 or 9. But we hadn’t been in a few years. It was cooler, but still 90. I tell you, that first rocky hill kicked my butt. It was this slap in the face right away. And my poor dog just did her best, too, but she struggled. I’m not overweight. I’m 52, but mostly walk 2-3 miles a day on pavement. I was so disappointed in myself and my body. Even though I knew better, I felt I let my daughter down. What’s more, I worried that my healthy adventurous years were behind me. It scared me because 52 is not that old in my mind. Yet, I did the three miles and carried my dog up a few hills. It’s these seemingly little experiences that shouldn’t matter, but they feel so pivotal, so predictive of what is ahead. And, even if my body is challenged, I DO want the future. It’s a real reckoning, isn’t it?
Thanks for the kind words. It means so much to me that you feel seen and that my posts cause you to think about your life. Really, I can't begin to express how validating that is because being on Substack and writing weekly is a lot of work. OK, so back to your hike.... it's hard when reality doesn't match our perception of ourselves or our aspirations. So many of us shout about how awesome aging is, but personally, I mean the freedom to choose the life we want and not care as much about other people's opinions. But the aging our bodies do, well, that is awful. And sometimes, it's a function of our genetics and not anything we do to keep ourselves fit and healthy (although I think that helps.) Anyway, I'm sorry you came face-to-face with this reckoning on your hike.
Heather, I feel ya, and I have had much the same relationship to this body as you with yours. Multiple sport athlete, smart, strong, fit, capable...damned near bullet proof. Then I hit the 60th decade. Never thinking I would live this long, and treating the body accordingly has proven to be somewhat dismaying.
Earlier this summer my husband and I looked at each other, laughed and said, "I wonder what new will show up this week?" Our health seems to be changing quickly, and surprisingly. Things I never imagined popping up like a whack-a-mole.
Monday, I am headed for my second TKR, because I do want to continue doing as much as possible for as long as possible. I love to travel, and where I travel is in out of the way places that demand strong, healthy legs.
I am in the process of making hesitant peace with this body and the mental changes, however surrender is still in the far distance as far as I can tell. It's just that the "far distance" is much closer than it's ever been before.
Lisa, I resonate with everything you wrote. I love your bullet-proof and whack-a-mole comparison because that's exactly how it feels. Good luck with your knee replacement and recovery. As I stand here writing, I'm wearing a knee brace for support, thinking I am headed in the direction of a TKR. And it's depressing because my first thought is how long that will take me out of the physical activities that I enjoy so much.
The part I recognise is wanting a body you can rely on. That’s the real fear, not the wrinkles or the number. I paddle an outrigger canoe with five other women I’ve competed with for over 30 years, and it’s blissful. What frightens me is not slowing down. It’s not being in the boat at all. Your knee, and not knowing what it will allow you next, is the thing that keeps people awake.
Philippa, how you put it is 100% spot on - worrying about not being in the boat at all. It's so hard when your identity and your social life revolves around being physically active. How do we handle that when it changes? It's tough stuff, and I'm still reckoning with it.
I don’t have a tidy answer, only what I’ve watched happen in our crew. Two of them have had serious time out for injury over the years. What kept them in it was staying attached to the people rather than the performance. Coaching from the bank, timekeeping, turning up to the post-race coffee. Not the same, and nobody pretended it was. But it held the identity open until the body caught up, and one of them is back in the boat now. The reckoning seems to be less about replacing what you did and more about refusing to be written out while you work out what comes next.
After having cervical cancer at 39 and getting thrown into menopause overnight, I felt like my body was betraying me. For several years, I didn't feel like myself at all. But slowly, I got me back. Staying active, primarily through bicycling, helped tremendously. Now, at 69, retired and living in Colorado, cycling is a major part of my day. I ride an average of 100 miles per week every week. And while that may sound like a big accomplishment, in Colorado it's not. I know people way older than me who are as active or more so than me. I have a friend, Alice, who is 94. She rides her bike at least 10 miles every day. Another friend, Richard, is 74. He rides his bike 200 miles every week. Ginny, age 85, plays most every sport all the time. Pat, age 83, is a serious hiker and backpacker. They just refuse to stop moving. Pat calls what she's doing "Riding the Wave" as long as she can. I want to be like her when I grow up!
Kathy, before I even got to your last line, I was thinking, "I want to be like Alice. I want to be like Pat when I grow up." There are ladies I play pickleball with in their 70's, 80's and 90's. I am in awe. I agree that we need to refuse to stop moving as long as our bodies will cooperate. And when they won't, I don't know yet. I guess we modify or we still stay part of that community because those people are the ones we identify with. There's definitely no instruction manual for all of this, but we are all figuring it out for ourselves, in meaningful ways.
I only just passed 51 and my sleep is disrupted, unless I manage to have a small amount of Pinot noir with dinner and then a probiotic before bed, unless I forgot I tried to finish my coffee shop treat from earlier.
I keep trying to repeat what did make it possible to sleep through without waking up at 1 am.
Nicole, so much of our sleep disruption is due to our hormone levels and our cortisol dipping. Perhaps your Primary care doctor could help you sort it out.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm at the stage where I'm still struggling with how my face looks let alone how my body feels. I actually recorded a podcast yesterday about how I haven't made peace with aging yet I'm not sure when I will. I've never been overly athletic and I've been going to the gym to improve my bone density and to get stronger . I struggle with my health most of my life life. You sound like you did all the right things and it's still a struggle.
Oh my gosh, where to begin. Losing what feels like my 'real' face inside a fatter face which looks like someone else has been hard. But also not even being able to go for a walk due to lower back pain. Ageing is so difficult in so many ways.
Hugs to you Annabel. It is so difficult and so much is out of our control. 🩵
Thank you. My 97 year old aunt has been inspirational in how she has approached aging, both in how she combats it and how she gives in gracefully. She still does chair yoga and uses her walker to walk in the park. She just got shots in her arthritic knees and chose to walk around the block to my place. She is grateful for everything she still has and can do but she doesn’t sugarcoat how hard it is, and how painful at times. She’s given me a balanced view of the changes I’ll be facing soon enough and the motivation to push myself ’just right’. Your article reminds me that the grace she has achieved is hard won. That questions, fear, frustration and depression have always been just below the surface, no matter how she has hidden the hardest parts. She’s shown me what’s possible if you’re lucky and if you keep moving. You’ve shown me more than she was willing to reveal except in glimpses. Again, thank you.
Julie, your aunt sounds like such an inspiration. I wonder if she would be willing to sit down with you and talk about her life. I bet she has so much to share. As we get older, it often feels like no one cares about our opinions or thoughts, so your interest in her story might be special to her.
I love talking with my aunt. Not every conversation works out this way, but many start as a quick check in or question, and then carry on for an hour on a variety of topics: politics, places we’ve been, shared memories, personal memories, books, art, pet peeves, a recent confrontation or choice to walk away, why we’ve made the choices we’ve made over the years, how we’ve grown and changed, and so on. She worries regularly about her mind slipping, but at 97 she is still handling her own finances and handling them well. She is truly present. I enjoy conversations with her more than most. I am so grateful that she has retained her identity, and grateful that her identity is so inspiring, stimulating and broad in scope. Time with her is a gift. I dread when the only conversations we have will be in my memory. Yet, for all that we’ve shared, I’m always aware of the gap between the woman I know and the woman she is. It’s similar to realizing that for all you know about your kids, there’s an inner life they live that you can’t reach. So each time we talk is an opportunity to get a little closer to that precious person, a little closer to the parts of her she worries about revealing and closer to her strong, resilient core.
I hear you. I'm at least 14 years older than you, so I've had longer to deteriorate! Arthritis, hip replacement, had to quit running because of a metatarsal injury...the list goes on. I hope you have a peer group you can share it all with, because that shows you you're not alone, and sometimes you just have to laugh about it! But seriously, getting older is a blessing not given to everyone, and I hope you'll concentrate on what you've gained in your later years instead of what you've lost.
Thank you for your nice comment Fran. Oddly enough, when I first began writing this article, I started with a story about how two close friends lost their partners to cancer. I feel so grateful to be alive. But I decided to put that in a different article. I tend to smoosh too many things on one article and I'm trying to stay more focused as I grow as a writer. You sound like you have such a wonderful mindset. That's so important as our bodies age because there is so much of the aging process that's out of our control.
I just wrote a whole post about my body... I got rheumatoid arthritis when I was 30, and that was after having SPD during pregnancy... I always have pain and limitation and I just... Do my best... I am afraid most of losing my mind because of all these crazy medications I have to take for the RA... Honestly, that's what I'm most afraid of. But if you're interested in how I've negotiated peace with my body, you can read it here: https://substack.com/pub/thecozypractice/p/cozy-body
I've heard about how awful RA is from friends. I'm sorry you have to endure it and all of the medications. 🩵